


PAX Mistakes

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Category: Youtube - RPF
Genre: Banter, Closeted Relationship, Coming Out, Conventions, Forced coming out, Interview, M/M, Pax West, Q&A, Slight Panic Attacks, also, and vice versa, badly drawn masks, concerns about bullying, fuck me man, get yourself someone who treats you like jack treats felix, really just the coming out fic we've always wanted, self indulgent, show this one to your kids, shy felix, sounds like a kingdom hearts promo, stellar examples of healthy and loving relationships, supportive boyfriends, the absolute cheesiest summary i have ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: When someone posts a photo of Jack and Felix in a compromising position at PAX West, will Jack be able to get through the rest of his panel, or will he fall to the fear in his heart over his relationship with Felix being found out?





	PAX Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MakeyJu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeyJu/gifts).



> eyyyyyy MakeyJu wanted this and i thought why the fuck not
> 
> WIS' next chap is in the works no worries :)

It took months, actual fucking months (about five total) to convince Felix to do this with him. Months of begging, of conniving, of sweet talking and negotiating. Months of hard work that included blow jobs and chocolate and all these other little gestures that improved Felix’s mood gradually over time and made Felix more and more reluctant to say no every time Jack asked. And maybe it was underhand, maybe it was a little manipulative, but Felix had loved going to conventions, and Jack knew he would love it again, so really, this was a favor for the both of them and honestly, Jack shouldn’t have had to work this hard to get Felix to agree.

Nevertheless, they were here. PAX West, just like old times. Jack held up his laminated pass for Felix to see with a wide grin, which Felix met his with a little less luster, but Felix was tired from the flight. He hadn’t talked much since they’d gotten off the plane. And Jack understood, he really did. There was a certain stigmatism around Felix these days that Felix wanted to avoid, thinking it was wise to just stay away from everyone, but Jack didn’t agree. Felix was a stellar person and a huge supporter of video games, he fucking funded games, he deserved to come to these conventions without facing down a mob. Jack wasn’t going to let him continue to hide in the shadows.

“Ye’ don’t have to do anything,” Jack told him sincerely. “I’ve got my panel tomorrow and then I’m all yours for the rest of this thing. We’ve got dinner tonight with Mark and his friends. Doesn’t that sound fun? Seeing them again?”

“Will they want to see me?” Felix asked, voice low. He was looking down at his own laminate with an odd expression, like he didn’t want to be wearing it. Jack had specifically requested Felix be given the same backstage access Jack had, and once the staff had found out who the pass was for, they’d readily agreed. Felix hadn’t believed Jack when he told him so. He still didn’t believe it, even though the people handing them the passes had excitedly greeted Felix and welcomed him back with open arms. Poor paranoid Felix.

“Hey,” Jack beckoned. “Gimme a kiss.”

Felix’s eyes went wide. “Dude,” he hissed, eyes darting around. “We, we can’t be doing that here.”

“No one’s watching, and I won’t be able to kiss you the rest of the day.” Jack knew he was whining, but he didn’t care. Felix had refused to kiss him on the plane and in the airport and in the cab. “Just gimme something to get me through the day, Fe’.” He stuck out his lower lip in a ridiculous pout. “Don’t you love me?”

Felix looked wounded by the question. He looked around once more to make sure no one was looking their way before ducking down and pressing his lips against Jack’s. Jack felt Felix melt against him and smiled into the kiss. He knew that this was good for them both. Felix always forgot his lingering anxieties when they were kissing, it was just one of Jack’s many superpowers over the Swede. Jack leaned in, wrapping his arms around Felix’s neck, before pulling back a little and grinning up at him. “You’re gonna be fine, Fe’. We’re gonna look at cool games and see our friends and just have a ton of fun.”

“If you say so.”

Jack playfully tugged a strand of Felix’s hair before letting go of him and go back down on his feet. “Shut up, ye’ know I’m right. What do ye’ wanna do first? Check out some panels? Maybe some booths? I’ll bet ye’ there are some badass figures out here, ye’ fuckin’ weab.”

Felix only rolled his eyes, not rising up to the normally playful teasing. Jack didn’t mind his nerves. He’d get Felix out of his shell soon enough. 

There were a shit ton of booths Felix wanted to see, it turned out. The first thing Felix did was make a mask, though, a shitty little thing. He got a paper plate from the catering table that the convention had put out for guests and scribbled a terrible looking Septic-Sam with markers on the back, then using rubber bands to tie it around his head after poking out tiny eyeholes with a pencil. He pulled his black hood up to hide his hair, and suddenly Jack had a disembodied eyeball to follow him around. It was even more disconcerting when Felix would refuse to speak anytime a fan approached him. Several people asked to take photos with Felix’s “cosplay” specifically. Even then, Felix wouldn’t say a word. 

It was kinda cute, though, that he’d thought to be Sam. Jack secretly got butterflies every time he looked and saw Felix proudly wearing Jack’s brand. It was just nice in a way that Jack hadn’t expected. Yeah, he would’ve preferred to see Felix’s face, but this was way better than looking back and seeing a Monika mask or something from Dark Souls. Seeing Felix wearing Jack’s brand was just…

Well, it was almost kinda hot, in a really weird way. Like a sort of ownership Jack didn’t usually get to experience. Like if Felix had suddenly come home with a tattoo of Jack’s birth name somewhere on his body. He’d call Felix stupid for it, but privately, he’d imagine bending Felix over the nearest piece of furniture and sinking his teeth into his name, never letting Felix forget whose he was. Except that was kinda creepy. Seeing Felix wearing the mask shouldn’t bring out the same feeling in Jack, but it somehow did. He was almost tempted to try and make a less-shitty one, if just for more permanent usage. Was it arrogant to get turned on by Felix wearing his brand?

“You’re staring,” Felix told him for the tenth time that day, not even looking up from where he was flipping through a concept art book for Outlast II. Jack was pretty sure Felix was accusing Jack of staring randomly throughout the entire day without ever observing Jack to stare, because Jack was guaranteed to always be staring at Felix. Jack was just surprised Felix was speaking, considering there were a good amount of people around them at this particular booth. 

“You’re the one with the shitty mask,” Jack told him. “Don’t ye’ think we should get you something that looks a little less terrible?” Total lies. Jack was starting to love the shitty mask because, regardless of how shitty it was, Felix had drawn it. “We could get you something from Shadow of the Colossus. Or Bloodborne. Wanna walk around with that doctor hook nose mask? Always forgot what it was called.”

“Do you hate this thing that much?”  
Far from it. Jack was starting to realize he was extremely vain because he wanted nothing more than to cut out a hole for Felix’s mouth and kiss the dumb man for making the shitty mask. “I just think it’s insulting to me brand, is all.”

Jack could practically hear Felix rolling his eyes. He grinned, then nudged Felix with his elbow. “Hey. Are you an artist? Cause I find myself drawn to ye’.”

“This is it, Seán,” Felix said. “The end of our relationship. One pun too many.” Felix closed the book and waved down the booth attendant. It was the third concept art book he’d bought today, and Jack had no idea how Felix was going to fit all of this in his suitcase. “I hope you’re happy telling puns to an army of one. I hope your right hand gives the unenthusiastic hand jobs you like so much.”

“Fuck off, you love giving hand jobs.”

Felix almost dropped his wallet. Jack watched the mask whip around, checking to see if anyone who recognized Jack had heard him. “Why the fuck do you talk so loud, oh my god,” Felix whispered like he was in some sort of pain. Jack just giggled and pat Felix on the upper arm before grabbing the art book Felix now owned and pulling him away from the booth. It was nearing the end of the first day, and they were supposed to meet Mark in front of the convention hall before they all went to dinner. Apparently there’d been a vote in a group chat today that Jack had missed (because why the fuck would he be checking his phone at all when he was basically on a 12-hour date with Felix) where it was decided they’d be going to some steakhouse. Jack just hoped the place wasn’t swanky enough to be disturbed by a rowdy group of friends. 

He took Felix by the arm and pulled him through the crowds of the convention, stopping only twice when people asked for a picture with him. Jack was always happy to take photos, and he felt lucky that he was being allowed to walk around on the open convention floor. He hoped that wouldn’t change. He loved being out there, seeing all of the new games and all the people, first hand. Not at all like at VidCon. 

“We love the Sam cosplay!” The girls Jack had just finished taking photos with shouted to Felix. Jack laughed as Felix just gave a shy little wave. He wished Felix would take off his mask in a grand reveal at some point, so people could realize who they were in the presence of. Jack was pretty well-known, but Felix was damn near a celebrity. He was sure people would be shocked. 

“There you are!”

Ethan grabbed Jack by sleeve of his shirt and nearly-yanked him through the last of the crowd to where the others were waiting. It was a larger group, consisting of Mark, his lovely girlfriend Amy, Bob, Wade, Tyler, and (of course) Ethan. They all greeted Jack with excitement and hugs, chatting away loudly and sweeping Jack out of the convention center before his mind could even catch up with the faces he was seeing. It was a flurry of sound and chatter and shouting until one phrase stood out: “why isn’t Felix with you?”

At first, Jack thought that was a stupid question, because of course Felix was with him, he’d been with Jack all day, except then it registered that Felix had been wearing a damn mask and none of the others knew. Jack stopped in his tracks and looked around with wild eyes. He couldn’t see SepticSam, and was about to pull out his phone to call Felix in a panic (what kinda of loser lost his fucking boyfriend?) when a hand rested itself on Jack’s shoulder and he turned to look up into that shitty mask with relief.

“Can we help you?” Tyler ask, shoulders tense with unease, and remember, Jack, the mask, Felix is wearing a mask. Jack laughed and— after glancing around to make sure no one who shouldn’t see could— pushed up the mask just a little to reveal Felix’s mouth before going up on his toes to kiss him lightly. Then Jack went back down and pulled the mask down completely again.

“He’s shy,” he told everyone with a teasing tone. “He’s been wearing the damn thing all day, spouting this bullshit about not wanting to ruin my image or whatever.”

“Is that you under there, Felix?” Mark asked, like Jack just went around kissing perfectly good strangers on the lips. “Did you draw that mask? It looks really good for a five year old. You should put it on the fridge.”

Felix didn’t answer— he just stared at Mark with stony silence like he was daring him to continue criticizing his mask. Jack laughed and swatted Felix’s shoulder. “Play nice,” he told him. “The mask really isn’t that spectacular, Fe’.”

Felix looked to Jack, and even though Jack couldn’t see his face at all, he got the distinct feeling that Felix was looking at him with disappointment and hurt. He could almost hear Felix saying _I did my best_ in that unhappy tone he had whenever Jack mocked him a little too much. Jack cooed a soft little sound of apology. “I’m kidding, Fe’, ye’ did a good job for the time you had.”

“Stop sucking his dick,” Ethan said. “I’m hungry!”

Unfortunately, Chris Ruth’s Steakhouse was definitely more upscale than Jack thought it should be for the kind of people they were, but at least Mark had reserved a private room that had doors they could slide close. Only once they’d closed that door did Felix finally pull of the mask. Mark let out a dramatic gasp and pointed at Felix. “It’s you!” he cried out. “It’s been you all along!”

“Jesus Christ, Mark, don’t give up your day job,” Bob said, pulling Jack into the seat beside him. “You’re sitting with us. Felix gets you every day, I think he can go an hour or so without.” Jack was between Mark and Bob with Wade and Ethan in front of him. Felix was sandwiched between Tyler and Amy, two people he didn’t know at all. Hell, he barely knew anyone here in the first place, and Jack felt a little bad for him, but it was hard to focus on his awkward boyfriend when Bob was teaching him how to make a penis out of the tablecloth napkin. “Wow your friends and stun the nuns down the street,” Bob droned as he went through the steps with practiced ease. “Shock the church with more than just your homosexuality.”

“Are these to scale?” Ethan asked as he followed along with squinted eyes, like he thought narrowing his gaze woulds somehow make him better at the task. His cloth-penis looked more like a misshapen swan. “These are pretty big. I’m feeling a little inadequate.”

“How should I know, I haven’t seen my dick in years because looking at a my dick is like looking at another man’s dick, miss me with that gay shit.”

Jack slapped Bob’s hand in retaliation and glanced up at Felix, who was drinking his whiskey coke with a stiff hand. Poor Felix really wasn’t good with this sort of thing, as Amy and Tyler made conversation over him. Jack was sure they were trying to include Felix, but Felix really didn’t like new situations and new people when he was already anxious from the day he’d had. “Hey, Fe’,” Jack called out, holding up his completed dick napkin. “It looks almost as good as yours.”

Felix made a face at him. “We’re at dinner, Seán.”

“Yeah, and you look good enough to eat, sweet cheeks.”

“There’s something undeniably precious about that,” Wade commented. “I just can’t figure out what.”

“Maybe it’s cause Felix is my bouncing baby boy,” Jack said with a giggle. He tried to kicked Felix under the table, but ended up kicking Tyler instead, who instantly took that as a sign of war (from the wrong person) and kicked Mark hard enough to make the man cry out. “Oh no,” Jack said as the table started to bounce on its legs from how hard Mark and Tyler were trying to hit each other under the table. “I’ve made a grave mistake.”

“Don’t make me come under there!” Ethan threatened. 

“You would want to crawl under the table,” Bob said. “I would never do that, because then I’d have to get on my knees, and getting on your knees is what you do when you suck a dick. Miss me with that gay shit.”

“Amy’s not a guy,” Ethen pointed out.

“Ethan, if you continued the train of thought, I will kill you,” Mark threatened in an even tone.

“But to kill Ethan, you would have to touch him, and then you’d be a guy touching another guy. Miss me with that gay shit.”

Jack was about to give Bob a piece of his mind for the stupid fucking jokes when he heard what sounded like the smallest little laugh from Felix, across the table. He gaped at his boyfriend, personally offended. “Really, Felix?” he asked, drawing attention away from the fight still continuing under the table to the Swede. “You laugh at those jokes? Of all things. _Felix, you’re gay._.”

“I thought he was bi,” Amy said. Felix went a little red in the cheeks. “You can’t just misidentify people like that, Jack.”

“Felix has the right to laugh at whatever jokes he wants,” Bob said. “Especially mine, because I’m fucking hilarious.”

“Fuck off, Felix is only allowed to laugh at my jokes.”

“Holy shit, Jack, I didn’t know you were so controlling. Should we be concerned for Felix? Is there something going on here? Are you blackmailing him into subservience?” Bob leaned over the table, over everyone’s drinks, to lie a hand across Felix’s wrist in what was a mockingly-comforting gesture. Felix was staring at him with wide eyes, completely at a loss. “Felix, I need you to be brave for me,” Bob said. “Tell us the truth— is Jack coercing you into a relationship and mentally abusing you with his puns?”

Felix hesitated. “… His puns are pretty bad.”

“Dear god, it’s a case of battered wife syndrome.”

Felix looked even more hesitant. “Am I allowed to make fun of that stuff too or will everyone get mad?”

“Felix, you can do whatever your poor, broken heart desires,” Bob said with an alarming amount of sincerity as he sat back down in his seat. It was hard to tell if this was actually joke anymore. “People who have been through what you have deserve to have freedom in their coping techniques.”

Felix stared blankly. Jack realized that Felix had never had an actual conversation with Bob before. “It means they like you,” he told Felix helpfully, knowing that that was really wha Felix was wondering. “They wouldn’t act like fucking idiots if they didn’t. They think you’re a lovely person, Felix.”

“Oh thank god, I had no idea what was going on,” Felix nearly wheezed, all of the anxiety bleeding from his shoulders. “Holy shit.” Amy laughed and reached over the table to take Jack’s napkin-penis and place it in Felix’s lap. 

“Look, see?” Jack asked with a grin. “They know right where that belongs.”

“Pretty sure that’s not actually how gay sex works,” Mark said.

“Pretty sure knowing any better would imply homosexual tendencies,” Bob said. “Miss me with that gay shit.”

The food was actually fantastic, and Felix ended up getting more involved with the conversation when their dinner was served. Having the alcohol in his veins probably helped a lot. Jack enjoyed the dinner the most because he got to watch his favorite people in the world mingle and enjoy each other’s company effortlessly. He’d been nervous about Felix meeting all of these rambunctious people at once (especially Ethan, who was a blatant PewDiePIe fanboy), but he felt silly for worrying now. Felix easily slid himself into the little notch in the group that had always been there for him ever since Jack had told his friends he and Felix were dating. If anything, everyone was excited to finally be able to include Felix, as he and Jack were now a package deal. 

Jack ended up eating a little too much, but that didn’t stop him from ordering a dessert and shoving Mark out of his seat so Felix could sit beside him and share the treat. Strawberries and cream was one of Jack’s favorite things to eat, though he would’ve preferred cherries if he’d had the option. He mostly loved eating this because Felix would always get the cream in his beard.

“So is this what it looks like when Jack cums on your face?” Mark asked, making Felix choke on the strawberry he was trying to eat. Amy let out a cry of indignation and smacked Mark for being so rude while Felix lost his ability to breathe. 

“I could strangle ye’,” Jack told Mark with a cheerful smile. “In fact, I think I will. Amy, what’s the room you two are staying in tonight? Might just come in and introduce Mark to the bottom of a pillow.”

“On one hand, I want to protect him, but on the other, I truly believe he deserves that for what he just asked.” Amy watched Felix desperately try to get all of the cream out of his beard while muttering to himself in Swedish. Poor Felix probably wouldn’t ever eat this dessert with Jack again, and Jack resented Mark for ruining this for them. God dammit, this was his favorite and Felix wouldn’t ever let him order it again. “Really, Mark, everyone knows jizz isn’t that nice of a color.”

“I wanna go to bed,” Felix said. 

“Soon, Felix, soon,” Jack placated, patting his boyfriend’s arm. “Already so tired from the flight and now having to deal with these fucks.” He cast a playfully-threatening glance around the table. “Stop terrorizing my boy! He ain’t got the wherewithal that I do!”

“He isn’t a second Energizer bunny from hell,” Tyler snorted.

“I gladly accept that title,” Jack said with a smile as he ate his last strawberry. 

Ethan started giggling like a madman across the table before asking, “does, does that mean you and Felix fuck like rabbits?”

Felix dropped his head onto Jack’s shoulders. “I can’t take this.”

“We’ve been hearing about your relationship for, like, ages, and we’ve never been able to tease you directly,” Mark said, giving Ethan a high-five like a terrible friend. “Honestly, it’s better for you if we just get it all out at once. Tomorrow? Won’t even be a peep. Won’t even be a chuckle. Won’t, won’t!” Mark paused, obviously trying to think of a way to one-up himself. “Fuck. We won’t be such assholes, okay?”

“I wanna go to bed,” Felix repeated into Jack’s shoulder. Jack offhandedly reached out and took Felix by the back of the bottom of his skull, pulling Felix’s face into his neck and gently dragged his fingers through Felix’s hair. Felix melted into him as he always would when Jack did this. 

“I think he is due for bed,” he told his friends, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t blow out Felix’s eardrum. Felix moaned happily at the vibrations of Jack’s throat. The Swede would sometimes say the sensation helped soothe away headaches. “He barely slept the night before, ye’ know. Probably hasn’t slept in a good forty-eight hours or something awful.” Jack turned his head to press a kiss to Felix’s brow without a thought. “My poor boy.”

He looked up to see everyone watching them with a sort of strange expression, like they didn’t know what they were watching. Jack didn’t have time for their close-minded bullshit, though— he and Felix could be just as gentle and loving as any other couple. “We’re gonna head out,” he said. “Text me what the tab and I’ll pay ye’ back for our part.”

“No, wait,” Felix said, reaching into his wallet and throwing out a mass of bills. “Dinner’s on me. Or something.” Felix pulled away from Jack to regard the American money with a sort of confusion. “Is that, like, enough? How much is that? It’s all the same fucking color, I don’t understand how that makes sense to you.”

“You’re so generous, Fe’,” Jack teased, standing from his chair. “We’ll see all of ye’ tomorrow!” He didn’t want his friends to feel like it was entirely their fault for their speedy exit. Felix genuinely was exhausted and dealing with so many people at once never went well with him regardless of how rested. Felix had this stupid habit of thinking that people were always judging him. It really did tend to wear him down. “I’ll text ye’,” he told no one in particular. “Let me know when’s a good time to come and hang backstage for your panel, Mark, definitely want t’ be there.”

Jack tapped Felix on the shoulder to get him up and then pulled Felix from the restaurant, he and Felix both waving goodbye to the flurry of well-wishings they received from the rest of the group. Jack hoped none of them felt very bad. He hadn’t expected them to let up on the teasing. He just wished he could have planned this at a better time to have had Felix more rested.

Back at the hotel, he practically walked Felix through the process of washing. It was now painfully obvious how much the day had taken out of him— the turmoil of flying into another country, the stress of feeling like he had to hide his identity for Jack’s sake, the harmless jokes of Jack’s friends (people Felix, for the most part, didn’t know). As Jack gently kneaded the hotel-brand soap into Felix’s hair, who had his head resting against Jack’s chest, lending Jack his weight, a worrying thought niggled at the back of his mind. He chewed on his lip for a little while before deciding he needed to ask.

“Ye’ didn’t think you had to impress them or anything, right?”

Felix let out a low hum, like he needed Jack to rephrase the question.

“You didn’t think you had to act a certain way for Mark and all of them, did you? I mean, I know that the way things were tense between me and Mark really kinda weighed on you too, so… You weren’t trying to impress them, were you? Or trying to act in a certain way?”

Felix paused. Then his arms wrapped around Jack’s naked waist in the form of a hug. Jack forwent the last of the soapsuds and wrapped his arms around Felix’s shoulders. “You were, weren’t ye’?” he asked softly. “Looking back, ye’ didn’t really get all defensive and shit. Barely heard you curse.” He paused. “Fuck. Felix, you didn’t even curse once.” Jack sighed heavily and buried his nose in Felix’s wet hair. The water of the shower was warm on his skin, but Felix’s bare body against his was even warmer. 

“… We can leave.”

“No,” Felix instantly denied. “Not, not gonna take this from you. You love this shit.” Felix’s words were sincere against Jack’s skin. “I’m just a shithead, dude, that’s all it is. I get all caught up in dumb stuff when all I really should care about is you. You’re happy. You’re having fun. I need to just get over it before I ruin this any further.”

“Ye’ haven’t ruined a damn thing, Felix,” Jack promised him. “I loved having you with me today. Even if you wore a mask the entire time.”

“A shitty mask.”

“It was good because you made it with me in mind.” Jack took Felix’s face in his hands to lift Felix from his chest and look him in the eye. His heart ached at the tired vulnerability he saw there. “You’ve done all of this with me in mind, so don’t you say ye’ don’t care about what I think. Have the time I think ye’ care about me thoughts too much. It’s why you’re hiding, isn’t it? Not cause you think people will be cruel to ye’, but because you think they’ll be cruel to me.”

Felix didn’t respond. He tried to hide his face in Jack’s chest again. “Oh no ye’ don’t,” Jack said, not letting him go. “Don’t hide from me. Or this conversation. I know you’re tired, but I’d like to do this now, if that’s okay.”

“But I’m naked.”

“And it’s fucking awesome,” Jack said with a small smile. “You being naked is, is just the best. Christmas every day.” Felix cracked a smile too, which had been Jack’s goal. “I just… I want to tell you, straightforward, that even if people do give me shit for being seen with you, I won’t give a fuck. Maybe I’d be hurt by criticism over other things, but being criticized for being with you is the absolute last thing I will ever care about. Got it?”

Felix pursed his lips. “… Just want another year, Seán.”

Fuck, Jack hated Felix’s stupid little plan. Just a year, just another year like a year wasn’t one of the longest things to get through. Felix wanted to give coming out another year, but what then? What if one of them fucked up? Would they put it off another year after that? Would they just keep pushing it aside until the day they were finally caught? Jack couldn’t imagine what would happen if they got caught. He could almost imagine Felix getting a sort of cold feet from having yet another private thing in his life torn into the open. 

They’d fought about this enough. Jack didn’t want to rehash it again, especially when Felix was dead on his feet. Arguing with Felix when he was tired had always felt underhand to Jack. Like he was taking advantage of Felix’s state of mind.

“Let’s get you washed off,” Jack sighed, still transparently unhappy with having to wait another year. He wanted to tell people. He wanted to show Felix off. He wanted to hold his hand in public and go on dates and kiss him whenever the feeling struck him, not whenever it was safe. He fucking hated hiding in the dark like this was something to be ashamed of. Felix knew that. Felix knew all of Jack’s complaints. The only reason Jack didn’t just come out on his own was because he was scared Felix wouldn’t do the same and stand with him. Hell, Felix could even deny him. The idea of that happening, however slim the chances, was enough to give Jack second thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said, looking like he meant it. Jack just shook his head and brushed a stray drop of water from Felix’s bottom lip before leaning in to kiss Felix, because here, when it was just the two of them, was always safe. Felix barely responded to the kiss, his movement sluggish. Jack had pushed him to his limits. He finished getting the soap from Felix’s hair and dried them both off, dragging Felix into the bed without even bothering to get dressed. Felix was asleep before his head even hit the pillow, and Jack was lulled to sleep by the sound of Felix’s breathing.

. . .

The next day found Felix in better spirits with a better mask. He actually put effort into the thing, using the same paper plate and crayons, but spending a little more time. “I gotta make it look good,” he’d told Jack, bent over the stupid thing like it was something that really mattered. “Wouldn’t want to give your, like, logo a shitty name. Or whatever.” Jack had half a mind to tell Felix not to wear a damn thing at all, but he knew how that would go.

They made it to Mark’s first panel of the convention, watching from the backstage so they wouldn’t have to be in the crowd. Felix loved the fucking thing. He laughed and clapped and whistled at the insults. Jack almost had more fun watching Felix than watching Mark and Ethan, Bob and Wade. He’d caught Ethan looking backstage more than once, like he wanted Mark to pull a fast one and call them up, but Jack knew otherwise and waved Ethan’s attention back t the crowd every time he caught him looking. At the end of the show, Mark and Ethan had shit to do, but Wade and Bob pulled Felix and Jack along for lunch. 

It was going so much fucking better than dinner.

“Okay, okay, but you can’t try and tell me that the actual, like, controls of a game don’t absolutely ruin a game itself,” Bob was arguing with Felix. “Like, it doesn’t fucking matter how great the story is. Or the graphics. None of that fucking matters if the controls are absolutely shit. Name one good game that had horrible controls.”

“If you saying Getting Over It, I’m breaking up with you,” Jack said. 

Felix smirked. “Metal Gear Solid 3.”

Bob was thrown. “… Name another one.”

“Tomb Raider.”

“That game was ahead of its time, of course there were going to be setbacks.”

“You wanted a good game with shitty controls.”

Bob shook his head, unable to accept defeat. Jack was preening with pride in his boyfriend. “Give me another. One that was made in this fucking decade.”

“Surgeon Simulator,” Felix replied easily. 

“Okay, but that was built around bad controls, it was supposed to be garbage.”

Felix rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. He was having fun. “Grand Theft Auto IV, then, the driving is absolutely fucking terrible and you cannot tell me that’s on purpose.”

“I’m honestly just impressed with how many he was able to list off the top his head,” Wade said from across Jack, where he was eating the last of Jack’s baby tomatoes. They were at some local coffee/lunch chain, a far cry from the upscale restaurant of last night. Here, it was warm and cozy, filled with a relaxed atmosphere that had Felix much more at ease. It was raining steadily outside and Jack’s shoes were still wet from the walk. “No offense, Bob, but I think he has you beat.”

“I refuse to give in,” Bob said stubbornly. “No way does someone know more about terrible games than me. I am the king of terrible games.”

Wade frowned. “I thought I was the king of terrible games.”

“No, no, you’re the king at _being terrible_ at games,” Jack corrected him. “And if anything, you’d be Bob’s queen. The terrible rulers of a terrible land with just everything fucking terrible.”

Wade pouted and Jack started to laugh when Felix slapped his thigh. “Be nice,” Felix chided. “Like you’re any better.”

“Hey, I’m fucking great at games, Felix, and I ain’t a fucking pussy about it either like you are.” Jack instantly knew he’d gotten a little too defensive when Felix’s brow shot sky high and he looked at Jack like he was daring him to say more. Jack winced and then tried to cover up his blunder by being cute and batting his eyelashes. “I mean— you’re the best, Fe’. No one’s better than you at games.”

“I heard Felix has zero deaths in all of his play-throughs, ever,” Wade chimed in. Jack instantly saw this gleam in his eye, in the way Wade smiled. He liked Felix, as someone beyond just a fellow YouTuber. Felix had singlehandedly earned Wade’s favor without even trying, and Felix had already won Bob over by listing all of those games before. If Jack wasn’t careful, they’d end up liking Felix more than they liked Jack. Jack suddenly couldn’t stop smiling.

“Why, thank you,” Felix simpered, pulling on that face he always wore when he was recording or being a goofball. “It is just so nice to be around another man of culture, such as yourself, my dear Lord Minion. Or should I just refer to you as Lord, as you are obviously of much higher caliber than those in our company.”

“I wanna fucking die,” Bob droned. 

“You’ve created a monster, Wade,” Jack warned him. “He won’t stop now. This is all on you.”

“Silence, commoner!” Wade boomed, playing along all too well. “Do not speak to me in such a way! You, you’re more like Jack- Jack, uh. Jack-Stupid-Eye.” Wade faltered. “Yeah. That.”

“Hm, Jack-Stupid-Eye, I like it,” Felix said with a calculating look, stroking his beard. “It seems very fitting for a man who thought himself to somehow be superior at games than us, my fellow Lord. What a fitting title indeed.”

Jack just rolled his eyes, unable to be bothered by their childish insults. The very fact that they were getting along so well was beyond what Jack could have dreamed of. Maybe now Felix would finally be able to let himself go and enjoy their time at the convention. Or at least, enjoy being with a few news friends.

“Oh, hey,” Bob suddenly interjected into Wade and Felix’s uppity conversation about their gaming prowess. “Don’t you two have a demo to attend?”

“Oh fuck.” Jack was suddenly out of his seat and scrambling with his wallet. “Fuck, fuck, Felix, the Death Stranding thing, we gotta go.” He tried to wave down the waitress, but Bob pulled Jack’s arm down to stop him.

“Dude, Felix threw down five hundred dollars last night for a two hundred dollar tab. We’ve got your lunch.”

“Felix, what the fuck,” Jack deadpanned.

“I was wondering where all my cash went,” Felix murmured as he stood to pull on his jacket. “Americans really need to make their money different colors. I couldn’t tell anything apart, I shouldn’t have to think so hard about giving people my money.”

“The numbers are all over the bills, like, four fucking times.”

“Don’t criticize me,” Felix giggled. He jerked his head in the direction of the weather outside. “Ready to go? Wouldn’t want to miss your exclusive invitation.”

“Dude, they invited you, not me,” Jack reminded him. He and Felix bid goodbye to Bob and Wade before heading out into the rain, heads ducked, hoods raised. Felix had his masked tucked safely inside his jacket, ready to pull it on the moment they reached the convention center’s line of sight, despite the pouring rain. “You were the one who said ‘only if Seán gets to go too, hur-de-durr.’”

“Are you saying you’re not grateful?”

“I am so fucking grateful and so fucking excited, you have no idea.”

The demo was private, just a small thing inside an enclosed conference room. They weren’t even being recorded for any sort of promo— one of the developers had just genuinely wanted to get their opinions on the game for whatever fucking reason. Apparently his daughter was a long-time fan of Felix’s and he’d negotiated with Kojima to get this thing under way. There were papers to sign (and Felix also happily signed a photo for the man’s daughter), but nothing else. Jack and Felix were sat down in a chair to enjoy the game. 

Really, the game wasn’t much aside from wandering through a nearly-flooded environment and using the awesome sound mechanic to hide from whatever the fuck those freaky monsters Jack had seen in the trailer were. Jack had an uproarious time with it, and he was sure Felix did too, even through all the screaming and the flinching. Felix was making too much sound in his panic to be able to listen for the monsters and got off a lot worse than Jack did. Jack mostly fawned over Norman Reedus’ voice acting. 

Jack could tell Felix really liked being part of something like this, too. He kept asking the developer about his daughter, what she was doing in school, how she was doing in life in general, just really showing that he cared and not actually intending to come off like that at all. Felix loved his bros. He just didn’t get to show it all that often. Jack could tell the father was touched. Jack knew he’d gotten yet another person loyal to his name. 

And the thing about Felix was that he was already a sort of respected name for indie developers. Felix funded games now, whether or not he had creative control in them. He was still going back and forth with that crazy Russian (Jack was pretty sure he was Russian) guy who was making that freaky horror game Felix was so over the moon about. Felix actually supported the gaming community in a way a lot of people didn’t and it had earned him a sort of mutual respect from developers at large, regardless of his past mistakes. Jack loved this demo session because it was really just another reminder to Felix about how he was still valued and that, sometimes, people wanted to reward him for things he did. Like let him play a tiny bit of a highly anticipated game, just because he meant something to a developer’s daughter. 

“Holy fuck, that was awesome,” Felix gushed as they left that small little room. “Dude, I cannot wait for the rest of that game to come out. There’s probably gonna be huge issues with copyright and shit and I’ll bet everyone’s gonna get claimed, but holy shit. Holy shit.” Felix was smiling with this dazed look in his eyes, like he still wasn’t over the excitement and fear. He rarely looked so excited for a game. “Praise Kojima,” Felix said. “He’s bringing back the horror.”

“Ye’ nearly pissed yourself,” Jack said. “I’m gonna have to talk you through breathing exercises when it finally comes out.”

“You were the one who called me a pussy, you would know better than anyone else.” Felix stood in the middle of the floor just down from the room they’d been in. The hall they were in was basically abandoned, insofar that Jack couldn’t see anyone else around. He didn’t see any harm in standing a little closer to Felix than was platonic, and neither did Felix, apparently, because he didn’t try to put distance between them. If anything, he leaned into Jack. “Sometimes I just get so, like, overwhelmed by how lucky we are,” Felix mumbled. “To be able to do what we love and get to see things like this. Sometimes I just can’t help but step back and look at how fucking amazing that is and be in awe of it.”

Jack pressed their sides together and smiled up at Felix, letting his hand rest around Felix’s body. He slipped his hand into Felix’s back pocket, shamelessly getting a handful of his ass. Felix didn’t even care. He leaned his head over and rested it atop Jack. “We’re fucking lucky,” Felix said again.

“You’re not wrong,” Jack agreed. He nudged Felix’s head off of his own so he could leaned up and press a kiss to Felix’s lips. Felix smiled into the kiss, easygoing and natural. “Should get going,” Jack said reluctantly after a few seconds of just pressing into one another. “I’ve got t’ get ready for my panel. You’re gonna hang around for it, right? Stand at the sidelines? Be me cheerleader?”

“I’ve got a backstage pass, bitch, ain’t no way you’re gonna keep me away.” 

. . .

Really, Jack was beyond grateful to have Felix at this convention, now more than ever. He always got nervous before doing these sorts things, standing up in front of so many people and struggling not to make an ass of himself. But Felix had been with him the whole time leading up to when Jack’s panel would start and he spent the entire thing asking Jack questions so ridiculous that he didn’t even have time to feel nervous. 

“So you’re so that if you had to choose, you would definitely let an elephant eat your ass rather than a wolf,” Felix repeated, pretending to look down at his interview cards— a stack of napkins— with an air of importance. “Interesting opinion. Care to explain?”

“The fuck is there to explain, elephants ain’t gonna maul me for food. Where the hell do you get these things from, Felix?”

“Excuse me, peasant, but it is not within your right to question genius.” Felix pretended to rifle through his cards. Jack watched him with fond exasperation. At least now he wouldn’t be shocked or blindsided by anything a fan could ask him. One of Felix’s questions had been about which of his immediate family members would he kill if he had absolutely no choice. The question had seemed a little harsh, but Jack knew what Felix was trying to do. If Jack had already been asked some of the worst questions here, the questions he’d get out there would seem rather tame. 

Felix was trying to think up his next ridiculous question when Jack caught sight of the main stagehand waving in the air for his attention. Jack stood and pat Felix on the knee. “Gotta go,” he said quickly before going to the stagehand and receiving his instructions. From there, it was all a blur. Someone did a little makeup on his face, saying he would look washed out by the bright lights, and another loaded his hair with spray. There was a flurry of instructions and warnings, like not to go too far out of range with the wireless mic, not to go down into the crowd, not to get out of sight of security. Jack fully intended to break all of these rules if need be. If a fan needed a hug, then they were getting a fucking hug. 

Then he was being cued onstage, into the overbearing lights and the loud screams of a large amount of people who had made all of this possible. Jack was struck with an overwhelming sense of gratitude as he walked onstage, much like what Felix had described back after the demo. He felt so lucky the be where he was and have what he had. He couldn’t even begin to wonder how he’d gotten this fucking lucky in the first place. 

He greeted everyone with genuine excitement, cracked a few jokes, talked about random shit. Jack belatedly realized how hard it was to describe his goals and aspirations for the future without mentioning Felix. Every time Jack had dreamed about his future, Felix had always had a huge spot, right there in the middle of it. Leaving him out felt almost wrong. But more than once, when he felt like he was about to stumble over his words and fucked up, he glanced stage right and saw Felix standing there, grinning, giving the thumbs up, just being an encouraging and perfect bastard the whole time, even when the fan questions started and Jack started to have to think really hard about how he was going to keep Felix out of a question that demanded an answer about Jack’s sleeping habits. He couldn’t very well tell people his most habitual sleeping trend was with Felix lied out of his chest, fingers curled in his hair, could he? Especially since that was the easiest way for Jack to fall asleep. 

Still, nothing intrusive was asked and everything was going perfectly fine. Felix was hidden away from sight even from the furthermost right side of the audience, and everything was going perfectly. 

Jack finished answering a pleasant question about his coffee addiction, and then smiled at the next girl cued up in line. He waved to her and shouted an over-exuberant, “hello!” just to help her relax a little, because she seemed very tense. She smiled shyly and almost whispered back a, “hi,” into the microphone before she looked down at her phone. Then she went back to the mic and asked, “are you and PewDiePie dating?”

Jack’s stomach leapt into his throat. He stared at the girl— who hadn’t even given him her name— and tried to work his mind through what she’d asked in the most logical way possible. “U-uh,” he stammered so eloquently. His heart was pounding in his chest. “What makes ye’ say that?” Maybe it would be a paltry thing, like them being or ship, or maybe she’d bring up Jack’s obsessive touching and fake-kissing of Felix during Cringemas from two years ago. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he could recover. 

She held up her phone for Jack to see. Jack went to the very edge of the stage, bending over to get a better look, expecting a gif from one video or another. Instead, he saw a picture of himself in a (deceivingly un-)abandoned hallway, his hand tucked into the back pocket of Felix’s jeans, kissing the other man, eyes shut and transparently in love. 

Holy shit.

Someone had seen them.

Someone had taken a photo.

Someone had seen them and taken a photo and now it was on the internet. There was no way they could refute this, no way they could say it wasn’t them. The hallway was well lit and both of their faces in plain sight, and friends didn’t just kiss. Friends didn’t put their hands in backpackers and kiss like they were in love. They couldn’t deny that this was them. There was no way out of this. 

Jack felt like the walls were closing in around him. His breath was coming in short, panicked bursts. His hand was shaking where it held the microphone, and suddenly all the eyes on him looked so much more hostile than they had before. The lights were too bright. He couldn’t fucking breathe. 

He’d done this. He’d done this to Felix. He’d been the one to touch him, to kiss him, even though he knew the convention wasn’t safe, not really. Now people were going to know and they were going to talk and judge and shove them into this box and never let them out again because they didn’t fit their agenda, their desires, they’d be bullied and poisoned. Now everything was going to fall apart and he was going to be alone. 

A presence was beside him and a hand took the microphone from his clammy, shaky hands. Jack jumped when Felix’s voice rang out through the convention hall. “Top o’ the mornin’ to ye’, laddies!” Felix greeted in an nearly-unintelligible shriek, his accent just horrible. “My name is Jack-Septic-Oye, and this is my boyfriend, uh, J-Jack, uh, Green PewDiePie! Though he isn’t green anymore.”

Jack turned his head to look up at Felix in awe, shocked to even see him onstage at all. Even more shocked to see that the mask wasn’t covering his face. Felix met his eyes, and Jack could see the fear in those icy blue depths, the anxiety and turmoil. He was surprised, though, when he felt Felix’s hand brush his own before threading their fingers together. 

It hit Jack that he’d been wrong. Maybe everything would fall apart from here, but he wouldn’t be alone in it. 

“We, uh, in all seriousness,” Felix said into the mic a little more calmly. He tore his eyes from Jack’s to look out at the crowd. “I know I might not be, like, your guys’ favorite person in the world, and I’ll bet a ton of you were probably hoping for this thing to happen with, like, Mark, but. Uhm. Yeah.” Felix shrugged. Jack couldn’t look away from him, because if he did, he’d have to see what his fans thought of this and he couldn’t face that just yet. “Seán and I are dating, as you can see in that picture. Wish you guys could have gotten a photo of him not grabbing my ass, but what can I say? I’m irresistible.” Felix forced a laugh. All Jack noticed was that he hadn’t heard any booing yet. 

“I know this might be a huge shock to a lot of you, so I am sorry it had to be found out like this, and I’m sure Jack is too. And, I mean, we would love it if we didn’t get lynched for this. Because Jack’s totally got this awesome future and stuff ahead of him, as you heard, and like, he’s also pretty hot? It’d be a waste to kill him. Let’s encourage some objectification here. Don’t kill the hot people so they can reproduce, maybe. Not with me, obviously, but maybe with science.”

Felix put an arm around Jack’s shoulder, pulling him into his side. It was finally what broke Jack from his shocked stupor, just in time to really understand what Felix said next. “But before anyone asks, yes, I am the man of the family and I am way better than Jack at everything, including cooking and cleaning and I am a way better boyfriend than he is, and I’m also much better at his intro.”

Jack shoved him away and made to leave the stage. “Fuck off,” he laughed, smiling wide in disbelief. 

“No, don’t leave me!” Felix cried out, grabbing Jack by the back of his shirt. “This, this isn’t my panel! You were the one who froze, get back here and take responsibility!” As Felix grinned at Jack, it hit him what Felix had done for him. He’d seen Jack lose his grasp on the situation, on everything, and had come to the rescue regardless of his own fears and wishes. Felix had been so fucking brave him Jack. He’d damn near rescued him. Again, Jack was struck with an overwhelming sense of gratitude, though not for where he was, but who he was with. 

“I love you,” Jack told Felix with a breathless smile. “So much.”

Felix ducked his head shyly and handed Jack back the mic. “Love you too,” he said softly. “Finish up your panel, we’ve probably got a huge shitstorm to deal with.” Felix hesitated, then leaned down to press the most innocent of kisses to Jack’s cheek before darting offstage. Being in the spotlight for so long had probably frayed the last of Felix’s nerves. Jack didn’t know how he would ever be able to repay him. 

Jack turned to the crowd, finally taking in their reaction. No one looked really upset. No one was throwing shit or trying to storm the stage. No one was running out of the room, sobbing “Septiplier!” Jack took a minute to breath and grasped at his shirt to calm his shaking hands. “Uh,” he said. Then he looked to the girl who had started this whole mess. “Does that answer your question?”

She was smiling. Oh thank god, she was smiling. “Thank you,” she said before returning to her seat, like she hadn’t just blown Jack’s world back on its heels. The next girl came up, gaping. 

“Can I change my question?” she asked. 

“I can’t really imagine anyone being able to ignore this elephant in the room, so by all means.”

“Does this mean we can’t ship Sceptiplier anymore?”

Jack paused, forcing himself to think this through. He needed to switch his brains as quickly as possible, because now these questions were undoubtedly going to be much more personal in nature, and he needed to make himself accustom to not shying away from Felix in the topic. They had officially been outed, and Felix had practically given Jack his blessing to talk about it onstage. He couldn’t avoid it.

“The entire reason I was worried about, like the Sceptiplier thing was mostly because I was concerned the more, uhm, rabid shippers would lash out at Felix,” Jack began carefully. “In truth, I really have nothing against the ship. All of ye’ can do whatever you want. It just sometimes worries me because Felix would receive hate for just being friends with me, let alone my boyfriends. And whenever I told him this, Felix would say he was fine, that he could handle it, but he’s my boy, ye’ know? I don’t want him to deal with unnecessary bullying. So as long as all of ye’ keep it nice, like most of you already have, I really don’t see a problem in you continuing to ship that or whatever. Just don’t start mistreating him.” He had the afterthought to tack on a disingenuous, “please.”

The girl didn’t look disappointed, though. She went back to her seat, where she and her friends gushed something to each other in hushed whispers. Jack couldn’t imagine what his Tumblr looked like right now. The next fan came up, a young boy wearing a death metal shirt. Jack readied himself for something awful. “Does this mean you and PewDiePie are gonna do more collabs together?”

Jack immediately felt like an ass for being so judgmental. People who called themselves fans of JackSepticEye were good fucking people. He had no right to assume otherwise.

“Maybe?” he hedged, glancing to Felix for guidance. Felix just shrugged from where he was back to hiding sidestage. “In all honestly, we only ever collaborated when we had something worth collaborating over. I work with Felix often enough, but it’s never in the light, ye’ know? It’s usually working with him on whatever game he’s making or him asking me if he can use me as a meme again. But like, living together doesn’t mean we’re gonna do videos together all the time. If it’s something people genuinely want, maybe I’ll get on him about it, but no promises. He’s a busy guy and so am I.”

The next person pushed forward, not even giving Jack a moment to breathe. “Does that mean you and Felix live together?”

Jack grinned at their excitement. “Oh, absolutely, and it’s the fucking worst. This guy calls me loud! I know all of ye’ think I’m just some constant airhorn to deal with, but Felix won’t stop fucking shouting all the damn time. He’s always got something to shout about, like his stupid books or his food burning or Edgar being a dick. It’s like the guy just can’t get enough of me, even when I’m sitting right next to him!”

Offstage, Felix flipped him off. It made Jack laugh. He was slowly warming up to all of this. He was beginning to enjoy it. 

“Really, though, we do live together and I love it,” Jack continued. “Being able to be with the person you love every day is just fantastic. When we first got together, I lived in Ireland, ye’ know? I never got to see him, not really, we barely had time to Discord chat every other day. It was hard and I missed him with every fiber of my being, so moving to Brighton and moving in with him was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’ve lived with him for about a year now, and I don’t regret it for a second, even if he does tend to complain when I stay up a little late.”

“How did you get together?” the same fan asked, an older girl with purple hair. She was wearing a Bloodborne shit. Jack thought she was pretty cool, so he didn’t mind answering her second question. 

“It’s actually a pretty stupid story,” Jack admitted with a shy smile. “Contrary to popular belief, and what all of ye’ just saw here, Felix is actually a big ol’ baby. He’s scared to do big stuff that could change his life and all that, and I totally understand, especially this time after we talked about why he’d been so nearly against it at first. But what happened was, like, after Cringemas? If any of ye’ remember, I was all over Felix the entire fucking time. I was not at all subtle about being unable to tear myself away from the idiot. Truth was, I’d actually kinda been into Felix for a long time, ye’ know? Like, since before the shoutout competition.”

He glanced to Felix. He wasn’t sure he’d ever actually told the Swede that before. He’d been in love with the idiot for much longer than he’d ever let on. “It was more than a sort of hero worship, and definitely a crush, so when he’d actually noticed me back then, I might have maybe nearly cried or something.” He laughed at his own silliness and people actually laughed with him.

“It was just fantastic, I’m tellin’ ye’,” he said. “Anyways, after Cringemas, uh, quite a few people cornered me on it, like PJ in particular. And he kept pressing and pressing and I accidentally blurted it out that I liked Felix, and when PJ heard that, he just got this maniac grin on his face. And I’m not gonna say he shoved me and Felix into a closet until I confessed, but he essentially did with his words. He brought me over to Felix and, uh. I mean, I kinda feel bad about it now, but he really just sort of talked Felix into a corner to where Felix had no choice but to either run or confess his own feelings too. And, surprise-surprise, Felix actually ran.”

Everyone really laughed at that, including Jack. “I mean, looking back and knowing what I do now, I don’t blame him. Felix was worried about the possibility of ruining my success or something. And it only got worse after the stupid Wall Street Journal thing, and he was barely talking to me because of how PJ had cornered him, so I finally just called him up and was like ‘hey. I totally wanna be your boyfriend and PJ seems to think you want the same thing. Discord video date in ten minutes, don’t keep me waiting.’” Jack grinned at Felix. “The fucker was ten minutes late. It only got easier from there, though. He was just super nervous in the beginning, and so was I, but the next time I saw him in person was like fucking fireworks. It was just amazing. And we knew that we could make it work from there. We knew it would be worth it.”

“Does that mean you moved to Brighton to be with Felix?”A third question. Jack still didn’t mind. “I’d planned to move there long before I was able to confess,” Jack explained. “Having the plans already in motion was really just an added bonus.” The girl stepped aside to let a boy come forward. He seemed as nervous as Jack felt. “What’s your question, man?”

“I-I’m trying to rework my question.”

“No problem,” Jack replied, waving off the kid’s trepidation. “I honestly feel like I should be directing this back to the actual point of this panel, but I really can’t cause this was all entirely my own fault. I don’t know what’s worse. Having our secret outed like this, from my own stupid mistake, or knowing that Felix is gonna find that photo and have it printed out on five by nine foot paper to go above our bed.”

The boy smiled. Then he asked, “are, are you and PewDiePie gonna do music collabs? Because you play drums and he plays guitar, so it’s something you could do.”

“Oh my god, Felix, we need to do that,” Jack gasped, looking to Felix across the stage with wide eyes. “We need to jam. I’m gonna make ye’ learn every single System of a Down song and we will make the neighbors hate us.”

“They already hate us!” Felix called out from side stage, shaking his head with a grin. 

“We will definitely do music together in the future now that you have finally brought attention to the error of my ways,” Jack told the boy. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Thank you so much.”

“I have a question!”

Jack turned stage right at the sound of Mark’s voice over the sound of the crowd cheering, genuinely shocked to see him there. Hell, he was shocked to see his friends all there, watching from the other side. Mark had a mic of his own and he was smiling like a devious bastard. Jack narrowed his eyes. “And what question is that?”

“So when you and Felix are, like, _together_ ,” and Mark added an exaggerated wink to get his point across. “Is all of your communication still in the form of memes? Like, when he’s giving you that Swedish D, does he also play the bit of your screaming from the soundboard?”

“I fucking hate you,” Jack deadpanned, even though he knew what this was. It was a public statement from his friends that they were behind the relationship and supported it. Jack would’ve appreciated the gesture a lot more if it weren’t such an awful fucking question. “Get off me stage, you fuck ass.”

Mark laughed and left as quickly as he’d come. His point had successfully come across. 

“Wait, who tops?” came the question from the next fan. Jack sputtered around random syllables, unable to answer such a question. He was pretty sure the convention was going to pull the plug on the panel if this kept up. 

“I, I can’t answer that,” he said. 

“Can I ask my real question then?” Jack nodded. The girl was super pretty with supermodel hair and figure. She also had on a shirt of Sasuke and Naruto’s first kiss in Kishimoto’s manga. “Has Felix ever blown you under the desk while you’re recording?”

Jack blanched. “See, this is why I didn’t want t’ tell all of ye’. You are asking the worst questions, oh my god.”

The girl nodded slowly. “That’s not a no.”

“It’s a fucking no, I would never post that!”

Her eyes went wide. “And that definitely wasn’t a no either.”

“Felix, help!” Jack whined, unable to dig himself out of this hole. Felix was red with embarrassment. Mark and the others had crossed backstage and were standing with Felix now. Wade had a consolatory hand on Felix’s shoulder. “I messed up, Felix, help me!” Felix shook his head. 

The girl just smiled evilly and went back to her seat. She’d gotten her question answered in her own way and Jack was officially mortified. The next fan looked a little embarrassed for him, but she was smiling all the same. 

“Do the pugs like you or Felix more?”

“Me!” Felix shouted from side stage.

“Felix,” Jack agreed. “Only because he’s the one who feeds them the most often. Dogs will love whoever gives them food. The worst part is when I come to bed late and Edgar’s taken my fucking spot in the bed, right next to Felix. I’d fucking fight that jerk if I didn’t know that it would make Felix upset.”

The next fan, a young adult man, said, “I have had a long standing argument with me own girlfriend about the merits of a beard.” The guy did have a very impressive beard. It was large and bushy and well groomed. It had two braids in the side. “She said that it’s awful for kissing and that no one likes loving a man with a beard. So, I want to ask you for an official statement, and don’t be afraid of breaking my heart here— do you actually like Felix’s beard?”

“Oh I fucking love that beard, I love everything about it,” Jack gushed, lying a hand over his chest like he was swooning. “Don’t listen to your girlfriend unless she brings up, like, genuine health reasons or whatever. So long as you care for your beard and use, like, a beard oil, t’ain’t a problem. I love tangling my hands in that beard, I love feeling it on my skin, I just fucking love that beard and it’s probably kind of creepy at this point, because if Felix ever shaves that damn beard, I’m going to make a casket for it and have a full fledged funeral. “

The bearded question-asker looked very accomplished. He went back to his girlfriend, who rolled her eyes and shook her head, but smiled nonetheless. 

Jack laughed and scratched at the back of his head. “I’m, like, worried about how much I’m inflating Felix’s ego right now,” he told the crowd. “If I ever need to take him down a peg, I’ll just challenge him to a hot win eating contest and own his ass. Really, I don’t mind talking about Felix, though, I love Felix. I could talk about him until the day I die. I feel like know really gives him the praise he deserves, ye’ know? Cause he’s done so much of the gaming community and indie games and for, for me, especially me. Sometimes I just wanna take him away from all the bad stuff and tell him over and over he’s a fantastic and genuinely good person. And being able to do this— talk about him and how much I love him in front of all of ye’. I feel like it’s really the best testament to his goodness.”

The next fan looked excited. She was bouncing on her toes, craning her neck to peer backstage like she wanted to get a glimpse of Felix. She’d probably been one of the few people to ship them. “Wait, so Felix has done a lot for you, then?”

Jack nodded. “I know that he’ll defend that I could’ve gotten here, where I am today, on my own, but I wouldn’t have been where I am _right now_ without him. I wouldn’t have gotten to this particular place in time to, like, work with a stung double from Black Panther, or get to do all of this amazing stuff with Disney and Marvel. Hell, I might not have even known Mark. You guys might have missed out on your biggest ship here without Felix!

“I could’ve gotten here on my own, but it wouldn’t have been enough to bring me here right now, an that means the world to me. And really, Felix was the first person to truly believe in me and what I can do. He was the first person to look at me and say, ‘that guy is going to do some amazing things.’ And I’m honored and overjoyed to be able to say that I’m in love with that very same man today and that he loves me too.”

The fan looked like she was about to start squealing. Jack kinda felt it a little too. That gratitude really was something else. 

“God, let’s make the next question a little more light hearted before I burst into emotional tears,” Jack laughed. 

The next guy asked, “are Felix’s Swedish meatballs really any good and does he ever complain about all the potatoes you eat?”

“Normally, I’d chide ye’ on stereotypes, but Felix’s meatballs are honestly the best,” Jack replied without thinking. When he heard snickers from the crowd, he got wiser. “Oh, fuck off,” he groaned. “I’m talking about the food! The food he makes! The Swedish beef balls are delicious!” More giggling. “Fuck all of ya’ll!”

The guy stepped away, obviously satisfied with the rise he’d gotten out of Jack. “All of ye’, conspiring against me,” Jack muttered, trying to sound angry through his smiling. “Only a few more questions! I’m running out of time! Just a few more. Next!”

“Who wears the pants in the relationships?” The next girl asked.

“Someone else already asked that, and I still ain’t answering it.”

“My ass looks best in his jeans!” Felix shouted, loud enough for the mic to pick up. Jack pretended to throw it at Felix, psyching him out. 

The fan giggled. “Real question, real question, I promise!” she said. “Do you guys, like, make fun of each other just as much as you do in your videos, or are you actually really nice?”

“Felix is the nicest fucking asshole ye’d ever know,” Jack said. “And it’s the absolute worst because instead of insulting me back when I make fun of him, he calls me really nice things and it fills me with shame for being such a jerk. Like, I call him a Swedish bastard, and he calls me gorgeous. It’s awful. I can’t ever get a leg up because he just defeats me with kindness.” She left with a loud thank you. 

“Do the two of you ever find it hard to record while the other person is working? Or do you have different schedules? You both have your own rooms, so do you ever have any problems?”

Jack shook his head, finding her question one of the easiest to answer. “The only problem I ever have is that Felix brings me coffee and snacks at the worst moments, but no way in hell am I ever gonna stop him from bringing me food. I’ve got my room pretty well closed off and Felix’s room is at the other end of the house, so we never really have any issues with picking up each other’s audio or messing up. The only real issue is Felix’s fucking internet. Honestly, I’ve taken t’ just giving Robin my info and letting him upload the shit on his own. Felix keeps telling me that it’ll get fixed, but who knows when that’ll happen.”

A girl came forward after the last one stepped down. She looked extremely shy and bit her lip when between speaking. “Who, who would you say is the most romantic?” she asked in a small voice. Jack grinned. This question was also extremely easy to answer. 

“Felix, hands down,” he said. “You’d never know it, but he’s the biggest fucking romantic. It’s Shakespearean. It’ll go from grand gestures to small ones and all of them are just the absolute best, I tell ye’. He’ll go from making me tea and bringing me a blanket to bringing home flowers, _fucking flowers._ He commissions things that he knows I’ll like and everything he does for me is just so well thought out and heartfelt. It’s honestly just fantastic and I love him so much for all of it. He even once put his jacket down for me in a puddle on the street because we were coming home from the pub drunk and he didn’t want me to mess up the shoes I was wearing, simply cause I’d always say they were my favorite pair. He’s just effortlessly romantic and loving and he will swear, up and down, that he is because he’s a shy boy.”

The girl gave her thanks. “Last question, last question!” Jack announced to the boy that came up. He was one of the younger ones. His mother was standing off to the side, watching over him. Jack waved eagerly to the boy. “Whatcha got for me?”

The boy hesitated. “… Do you really love each other?”

Jack had to pause. He realized that this was probably something a large majority of the crowd was struggling with. It was one thing to ship two people together and just think they’d be cute in a relationship, but it was another thing to have one of the more ridiculous “ships” actually become a reality. Jack realized that a good amount of people were probably half expecting this to be some sort of prank.

“I do love him,” Jack told the boy. “With all my heart. I know it must be strange. It was pretty strange for us too. Ye’ don’t really expect to fall in love with your best friend, regardless of the fact that no one can choose who they fall in love with in the first place. Felix and I weren’t expecting this. Even though I’d had a crush, I’d never thought it would happen. Felix had never, ever hinted at being into other men or anything like that. I’d honestly never thought it would happen and didn’t even both, like, dreaming for a reality where we would. So I can genuinely say, with confidence, that Felix and I were just as blown away when this thing started between as I’m sure all of you feel now.

“I’m not expecting you to be okay with this overnight,” he assured them. “I know it’s gonna take some adjustment. You’ll probably hear me talk about Felix a lot more from now on, and you’re definitely gonna see him in my vlogs and social media and shit. Felix is a huge part of my life and I refuse to just hide him away just because some people are uncomfortable now that we’re officially out. But I’m not going to pretend that this is a perfectly normal thing for all of ye’. It’d take time for you to adjust to anyone I’m dating, but the fact that it’s a super famous YouTube like Felix make sit even weirder for you. We know we’re gonna have media fallout to handle, we know we’re gonna have to put up with a lot of awful shit. I’m not asking all of ye’ to just ignore your own possible discomfort with this, but I would like to ask that you, at least, treat Felix nicely. We’re going to have a lot to deal with and I don’t want one of those problems to be all of you.

“Because I do love him,” Jack said. “I love him more than anything. He’s just the best thing to ever happen to me and I never want to be without him. We’re going on two years of being together and I plan on at least a hundred more and I will never stop loving him.” He glanced side stage and caught Felix’s gaze. Jack smiled at the way Felix was watching him. He looked just as in love as Jack felt when he said all of this publicly. “I will never be without Felix, so I want all of ye’ to, at the very least, get used to seeing his face next to mine. It ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

There was a chime in his ear, a signal from the mostly-absent stage hand that had been directing Jack. “Fuck, alright, I’m out of time,” he told the crowd, looking apologetic. “I’m so sorry that leave all of ye’ like this, but I really hope I did answer your questions and helped ye’ stomach this a little easier! Just please remember that Felix and I didn’t even plan on coming out, ye’ know? Cut him a little slack.”

He gave his official goodbye and was relived when he received the same uproarious applause in leaving as he had received when coming onstage. The second he was out of sight and at Felix’s side, he took the other man’s face in his hands and kissed him. There was something more to their kiss, something almost raw. Felix’s nerves were like fire against Jacks’s lips. Maybe Jack had walked away from this with confidence, but Felix surely hadn’t. “It’ll be okay,” he promised Felix in a quiet whisper. “I won’t let anything happen.”

Felix only shook his head. He didn’t believe Jack for a second and that didn’t surprise him. 

“Come on, let’s get you guys to your room,” Bob said, pulling Felix along. Their trip back to the hotel was a hurried one, as Jack wanted to avoid getting caught up by anyone for Felix’s sake. He looked just as tired as he had last night. Jack suddenly remembered that they hadn’t even told their parents yet about their relationship. 

When they got back to the hotel room, Felix made a beeline for the bathroom. He shut the door and the only sound Jack heard was the running sink. Jack sat on the bed and tugged at his hair. “This was my fault,” he said. “I was the one who kissed him and shit. Fuck. I should’ve just kept my hands to me-self.”

“It was a cute picture,” Amy said, trying to be helpful. 

“I’ll order room service,” Ethan said, grabbing the menu. “Probably shouldn’t go out. Five of everything, right?”

“Are you only ordering for me?” Bob joked. “Get at least ten.”

“It’ll be okay,” Mark told Jack calmly. “I haven’t read anything bad from anyone that matters.”

“What about the media outlets?”

Mark didn’t answer. His silence was enough. Jack hung his head in his hands. “Me or him?” he asked.

“Him,” Mark replied. “They’ve never liked him.”

“This is all so fucking stupid.”

“If it helps, it had to happen sooner or later.”

“Felix probably would’ve chosen later.”

Mark sighed and sat down beside Jack. “I know this isn’t ideal,” he began. “But there’s nothing you can do about it now. Nothing you can change. All you can do is just deal with the hand you’ve been dealt and decide where you want to stand with this. Do you want to play the victims, being forced out against your will? Or do you want to act like you don’t care?”

“It ain’t as simple as that.”

“Not for Felix, but it is for you.”

“Felix is the one I’m worried about.”

“We’ll deal with Felix later.”

“No, we’re dealing with Felix now.” Jack stood up and looked around the room. “All of ye’ get it, right? This ain’t about us being gay. This ain’t about him and I being ashamed of what we are or whatever. This is about that idiot thinking he’s gonna somehow ruin me for being with me. So fuck all of that other shit, I’m gonna stand proud if I can. I’m just worried that standing proud could hurt him, because we all know this won’t ruin anything for me. They’ll just go for his fucking throat.”

The bathroom door opened. “Fuck them,” Felix said. He sounded like he meant it. “I’m tired of letting them control my life,” he sighed, weary. “If they want to say that I’m ruining you, so be it. At least I’ve got you to tell me otherwise.” Felix flopped onto the bed, looking up at Jack and opening his arms. “My heart hurts and I’m anxious. Love me.”

“Well, when ye’ put it like that.”

Jack sat down at the head of the bed, pulling Felix into his lap and gently kneading his fingers into Felix’s scalp. Whenever Felix got really anxious, he tensed himself into the worst of migraines. Jack massaged his temples with practiced skill. He’d watched a ton of videos on how to do this properly. 

“I just wanted to say, Felix,” Mark said. “I am honestly impressed by your bravery. When we heard that you were the one to go onstage and actually confirm everything that was happening, I could hardly believe it. Not to be insulting, I’d just never expected you to be the one to step up and be able to do that, even for Jack. Not in front of all those people.”

Felix shrugged. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I just, I don’t know. Seán looked so scared up there when he saw the picture. He looked terrified. He looked like his life was going to fall apart and I hated it, I didn’t want him to think like that. Seán’s just done so much for me, you know? He’s brought me out of my shell in certain ways and tamed me in others. And when I saw him out there, it really just helped me understand the lengths I’m willing to go to for him. I want to be at his side as someone he can trust and lean on no matter what, even when I’m just as afraid as he is. I want him to know that I’ll always be there. I want Seán to know that the love I feel for him is more than the fear.”

Jack stared down at Felix in awe. “I’m gonna fuck ye’ so hard until you pass out. Seriously. Best orgasm of your life tonight.”

Felix went bright red. “What the fuck, Seán.”

“Yeah, Jack, really?” Ethan said while he waited for the phone to dial room service. “In front of my salad?”

“I’ve said I love ye’ so much tonight, saying I’m going to show it is really the only step up I can take.”

Felix actually cracked the smallest of grins. “I love you too.”

Jack kept massaging Felix’s scalp. “We can do this,” he said, mostly just to himself and Felix. “Doesn’t matter what the media throws at us, or what other people say. You and I can dot his because we’re the best god damn couple ever and we can take on the world if we wanted.”

Felix hummed his agreement, pressing into Jack’s touch. A silent show of giving this over to Jack. Felix was trusting him. 

Jack grinned up wider at all of his friends. Having all of them here was one of the best reassurances he could have. He’d call his mother later and he had no doubt he would only receive love from her as well, and minimal teasing from his brother. “We can do this,” he said again. And he felt like he actually believed it.


End file.
